Walking-talking Sin

 Never ever did i thought that i am different from any other person on this planet, but others did. Never did i wanted this or never did i dreamed about this. What happen i still don’t know,  it hit me like frozen poop from “Oceanic 815” and knocked me out cold. 
  First time in my life i am sad about being in relationship, don’t get me wrong i am insane about this girl, i love everything about her… but there is this “but”… so u see everything is not so perfect after all. Wont be first time i have stolen girls heart from other guy… wont be first time i drove girl crazy… what is different u might ask… well difference is that i thought about it for first time in my life from different perspective… Observation of course was key to unlocking mystery – what i was for most girls  i dated. 
  Have u ever heard girl say to you: 
  1] I never meet anyone like you.
  2] It is nice to have someone who can still surprise me.
  3] I am possessed by you. 
  4] I feel like i am on drugs with you. 
  And of course classic:  First time i saw you i thought i will gain good looking friend at first, but i am happy that we became more than friends. and etcetera.  

 Yeah this is great to hear, but if u did heard this, you might be in deep shit situation like i am myself. 
 Longest time for me to be in relationship was almost 4 months, and always did it end bad? well most of time it did. What i am for girl? I am addiction i am sin, which they commit willingly and they push me away like… this…. was….. my fault. It hurts a lot to be used and bath girl in this affection and love which i have plenty and then be pushed aways like some kinda mistake that never ever happen. Long time i thought that i am responsible for this, that i hurt then in some kinda way, but i know now that i am just a sin for them which looks tasty and appealing at first but shameful and tiring in the long run. I am like drug which is less and less powerful more you use it. 

 Key component to knowing that you are sexual sin to other – constant lust from your partner, if they cant keep they hands of you there is big chance that with time they will get tired and stop playing with they overused new toy. Always i knew that i am good in thins kinda thing, i always knew that i am good in love making. With some girls i even make my self breath synchronously to better understand how she moves. Knowing human anatomy helps a bit as well. Of course thinking about what i can do to her and do not think about finishing make you last much longer u see troubled mind cant relax so easy. 
 
 SOoooo….. yeah i am living walking and talking sin… i spin girls head make her feel like she is only one on this planet.. and.. then… be dumped like trash… i really am… Yes it hurts, but maybe this is my given right by my gods. 

   “I do not love, i cant love, but i can make her feel loved and that is enough for me to live in peace”