Archive | February 2013

Primal strenght.

 I feel no need to write about crazy stuff which is happening or not in my life…. 
 I feel no need to write about world problems…
 I feel no passion for written magic when i force my self to make up something what holds no meaning  at this current time… 
 Writing for me is imprinting idea or feeling in words, so it can be burned out into my skull and read as many times as possible… so i know from where i am and where i am going… 
 Winters grasp over me loosen – at last… 
Morning, i am at work feeling all down and heavy, bad memories run free mocking me… Couldn’t stand it anymore, ran out to grab a smoke, to beg karma for brief moment of clarity and peace in my life.   At that moment i was as low as possible, you dong get any lower than that… i had just too much of this cold and ill thinking… Just as first virgin smoke enters atmosphere leaving my lungs… My long lost lover comes out of hiding, lighting all parking lot with its might. That felt liberating as first sun light touched my face, i knew i am saved. Hope i am not the only one whom shares this sick relationship with sun. She is my muse, she is my start, there is not enough words to describe what she means for me. The only one who can bring me up from lowest points of my life… Charging me with power for which i craved for so…. long. Beast inside me, my inner animal awoken… i am whole again, in peace – my holly trinity – Sun, soul and primal strength.

Little social post

 For some time it seems i blocked myself from writing… cant get grip of myself, i feel failing again into abyss of my inner world. Main reason for me to write is to get ride of my constant disappearances into imaginary world and firmly lay hold of my life. There moments in my life when i feel like i can write a master peace, when i feel so full of ideas and words to express myself, most of the time i just cant find proper words to say something simple, after achieving something that holds meaning for me,smoke breaks between sex, mornings when awakened by sun ( trust me where i live u feel lack of sunshine on daily basses), that moment when u are venturing back home after night of fun. Probably you already understood  that i can write only when i am emotionally charged, but i do not think that this is great mystery. 

 To people who already are following me, i don’t really know u read this stuff or not – but still would love to hear from you, what makes u write? 

 I have some proper content coming this week is you are wondering… and about ” What every man  desire” my new post i am working on  will be sequel to this one. Soo yeah that is all about it.. just little social post to keep track of myself and keep track for myself just to make myself write something again. 

What every man desire.

   Snowy hills, covered in many footprints… Snow does not look like pure heavens gifts to cover spoiled soil, to let earth take a step back and hide from all mighty sun. Pure heavens you can’t see no more, smoke and ashes terrorize my pure heavens. Lets step forward on that hill, on which tree of many generations stands proud and take a breath. Heavy but still firm steps i make towards my so distant goal. Damaged i am, worst enemy of mine, i can feel heat leaves me, escapes towards my pure heavens. Long journey it was, as once home seemed so distant now holly land look even more. More i wont step there, at least my last steps will be made on my holly land, on my native soil.  

   Proud he stands on hill of his ancestors, damaged but still firm lays hands on tree of many generations. Face his home he lingers, but stile hi does. Only to see his home in ruins, for so many year of travel only one thought kept him on moving on and it is now in ruins. Snow and ashes fall down on his iron shoulders, as hi makes his way into the city. Image of ruined land devastates his mind, mutilating his body as well. 

   Great hall in ruins, house of elders is in ruins. Through deserts, mountains and sea i hallow towards home to see it in ruins. When this happen i don’t know nor i will know, but before i go at least for a moment just for a moment her face i need to see. 

  Knees hit the ground with such force it makes near half burned house to dissolve completely. To hide his face he don’t need no more, so takes off his cape to bare iron bloody skin. Takes last breath towards pure heavens and barley  whispers her name so only he can hear. Mutilated body but still mighty souls, hes ready do depart from this infected world. 

   Pure heavens are kind to thous who is kind to them, showing her face for last time so he can leave in peace and grace… SO every man eventually can get what he desire, pure heavens left his body untouched by time so could he be guide to after life.  What every man desire

Simplicity of existence

   Good evening my fellow traveler, what a nice evening to watch “Saw” it is.  Yeah for the first time i saw this movie, and it was some times disturbing. Still it made me realize something, there is 3 basic functions to exist in this world. How it was possible to get such enlightenment while watching some horror movie is unknown for me, still karma have assented  this by making me write this night for you.

So… 3 basic functions for existence: “Feed, survive, reproduce”

We all have this programs in our DNA, and in no possible way we can let ourself to fail in any of thous basic functions. That’s is why  that girl with mask on her head had to dig through her BF stomach – to survive. Some people can go much more to do same thing, like to torture people for some freaks amusement. Well i can understand that you can do much more for yourself than for your related brothers who too have souls and dreams, who too  have plans and problems, sometimes are hijacked by time and money just like you.

Struggle for existence takes whole life and even at the end you lose. Some times for it takes tremendous amount of words to say something so simple like what is music for me or what i see during summer inside forest depths, but when i am faced with  ” Do or be done, you choose” my answer would be simple… I can’t fail at my basic function.

Emotions are needed in our life, this is the only thing that marks us for citizens on planet earth, if animals can do it so should we, well we are too animals so u see our planet have gifted us with such kindnesses so we could share it with others with our relatives. Time comes when u need to shut down and use only logic that is how i think we all should live our life, but i will keep it to myself.

“Tremendous effort is needed only to do things u never done before, after that each time is less difficult until you are master of it”