Let us move on, and lie no more.
Armed with weapon and shield i march once again into depths of my mind for you.
Today across desert filed with dead choices i made or made not, i step into white stone temple in which my future is decided. White and pure you may say, but walls can keep many secrets and today in hopes of healing my self – let us enter one of many towers which are locked from inside, so no one can enter even me.
My frustrations and mistakes are locked inside each of thous countless towers, standing proud for me to see, each time i visit. Talking to me, trying to seduce me into letting out horrors, to cripple myself once more. Like i am not enough social awkward, anyway you may ask how it is that thous towers are locked from inside and i am here in our world writing this for your amusement? Simple – jump strait down, so i may crush my skull and forget at least for a moment what i just did, as my limp body is trying to recover from this non scheduled flight, collecting my bids of healthy mind off shaking soil lets talk about Tower with countless steps and twist. My tower of lies.
Yeah i love telling stories, but did i told you that i am brilliant liar as well? This my addiction to make stuff up made my life even less bearable, as if it wasn’t bad enough – i need to have this glitch inside me to lie now and then about my self. To such level that i was in need of cutting my self off from people just to stay honest. One day after session of feeding people with bullshit, i had enough. I knew i can not control this, in no freaking universe there is way for me to stop lie about anything. “Stop one day i will” quietly i said to my self before falling into my world, and so i did. Found solution to my problem, if there will be no one around there will be no lies. Day after day pushing people away so i could stay honest with myself. Problem with this chronic lying – oukey i lie to others but i lie to myself as well… they believe it for a moment so i could believe that i am different as well. Thing is that i was addicted not to lies but to others simple mindedness, they made my lies more real for me so i could feed my egos.
Now i am strong enough to face this, i am lying bastard or at least i was, i am honest now. May i say that it feel great. Put this thing out here like a badge of honor for surviving battle of century just to open that one door. With cost off losing every single person i cared for. Hardest battles we need to face alone, so i did and succeeded but have no one to share it with.
What now? Don’t know… at least now i can demolish this tower of lies, maybe by putting this for everyone to see i can – with time heal my temple.
“errors i made, errors i do – all stay with me for the rest off everything i will do”